She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
smell my finger.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
