I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
