if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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