dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
