This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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