I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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