Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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