That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
