He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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