When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
