never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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