those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she peed on how many people?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
