ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
