FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize