My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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