This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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