if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
