2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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