Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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