PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
now i know why i became what i already was.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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