She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
