problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
