CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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