my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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