i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize