Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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