You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
