By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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