He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
