Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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