If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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