I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
