he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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