Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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