I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
