I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
