We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
These tits shall not be calmed
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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