I wannas sexs uuuuu
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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