White coat. Heels.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
