First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
