What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
