he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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