I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize