i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
