Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
