I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
