The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
