I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
