Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think your dad took our porno
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize