First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
