just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
