I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
