I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
A+ Viking dick
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