Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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