i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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