you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
