The maid of honor just puked.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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