we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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