Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
