I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
not ubering you a puppy
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
