Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
