i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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