This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
