I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
they need to just BURY HIM!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
