I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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