i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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