im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
