Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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