im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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