Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
