he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
