Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
