I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
