were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
