Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
