my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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