No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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