And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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