My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
