she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
