What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
