if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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