My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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