lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Who died my cat blue again?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
