why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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