I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
