There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think your dad took our porno
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He has the fingertips of a God
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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