32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
