I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Acid is not a monday night drug
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
