So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
