That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
