I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
