I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She's the barista slut.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
