I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
