It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
