did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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