its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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