On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
