Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
