I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
