If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
