I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
