im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
