lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
