you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Barsexuality is the new black.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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