So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
