I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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