Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize