Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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