Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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