I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
