everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
