yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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