You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
