It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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